Ruinous Repair

A consideration of the path to self-awareness, and the Love one discovers within…..

My impatience to share my understanding paralyses me. The intensity and depth of the Love that explodes within me with every breath, every nerves’ tingle, demands to be birthed through me, ripping from my being to infuse my colleagues, my dog, my house, the air around me, the sunlight. Love’s immensity simply cannot fit within the narrow confines of my human frame. Skin and bone its cages, inadequate words its soporific mangling.

The paralysis plagues me. Doing nothing, I fret. Fretting, my emotions cascade over the precipice of my ego, rocks crashing from towering crag above. Shattered on impacting the beachhead below, where the eternal surge and tide swell of the ocean carries out its exhaustive destiny to feed and withhold, build and destroy, permanently constructing impermanence. My ego, my paralysis, atomized and redistributed as energized usefulness, spread beyond my control to where it might serve others well. Life has rearranged life.

I breathe. Deeply imbibing the nectar of my lungs that carries the gold of my blood, my life force composes itself. Stepping out of ego, of body, of geography, of role, I watch with wry compassion the intermingling sources of knowledge vie gently for their respectful resting places in me. Ancient and modern, mystic and physical, intellect and emotions, my species being and my more-than-human being; all settle gently with contentment into the abundant space of my embodied limitations and the infinitely shifting patterns of my self, acting.

About Julie Courtnage

With training in environmental science, I facilitate 'naked conversations' about sustainable wellbeing. Using facilitation techniques, systems thinking, art, music, writing, movement and photography, we explore the active creation of our uniqueness - personal and collective, as individuals, organisations and society - and our relationships with others, with sustainable wellbeing, and with genuine happiness. This journey of creation is a journey of Love. And fun.
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